I have recently attached myself to a, let's say left field, celebrity by the name of Kelly Osbourne. Yes the same one that is the daughter of Sharon and Ozzy. I say left field because she is not an A typical hollywood glamour girl. She is not famous for a specific profession, she had a stunt as a singer for a moment but it never took off as a career. Good single though (Papa Don't Preach (Madonna cover). And then there was The Osbourne Show in which she did nothing but eat and go through crazy hair and cussing phases. She was addicted to drugs and had frequent up and down weight issues. She was here and there as a presenter or host of some series. Doing the regular rounds of a C List Celebrity. Then she disappeared after failed albums, shows, etc. After hiding for a bit she popped up as Mama Matron/ Roxy Hart occasionally in the UK revival of Chicago. Performing daily and wowing people with how much better she getting she started to slowly climb the ladder of relativity again. With much scrutiny over her weight loss she was forced to announce that she had binging and purging problems. She became slightly heavy again settling for a "comfortable" weight. It was all about her weight with every effin magazine...

The Gentle Man's Contortionist

Lawyer: What did you give the generous man in return?
Contortionist: Nothing.
L: Then Why did he give you so much money?
C: He said, "take this, because I want you to do amazing things in your life. Now go. Go be amazing."
L: Did you love him?
C: In my own way I suppose I did.
L: What way was that?
C: He adored my art and not my physical. He never requested a show, but became an audience. I gave him purpose to get up and be somewhere, and he gave me purpose to move and create. Tui and La, push and pull, ying and yang.
L: What did he want you for?
C: He never wanted me. There was never a want between us. Only need.
L: What did he need you for?
C: It was I who needed him.
L: For money? Sex? Some kind of father figure?
C: Inspiration. My ballet, my acrobatics, my imagination; he inspired me to create.
L: So what is the money needed for?
C: To spread creation, imagination, inspiration. He fulfilled my needs so I could fulfill others dreams.
L: Did he love you?

Hello, won't you help me my friend
My parent's marriage is going to end
My world is crumbling, I'm constantly torn
I'm not sure if I agree with either war

*Stupid fights
All through the night
Words neither means
But to them like oxygen

Do you think they'll halt
Start acting like adults
Not lie and go off running
Do you think they still love me?

*Stupid breaks
That don't last all day
Deception they don't plan
But to them like oxygen

Civilians caught in the chaos
Starting more fights when they already lost
At what cost, do they wanna see furniture burn
Maybe once the house is gone they will learn
Maybe when the trinkets are all glued in places
When family photos start missing faces
When they start making everyone else decide
To get involved and take a side
But what they don't see, what they won't see
Is that in a war zone, no one can breathe

Stupid parents
We can't pick them
A divorce they don't need
But to them like oxygen.... meeting fire and the trees


**** So side bit, this song was played at the VMAS (which was alright) but I'm not a huge fan of Taylor Swifts' I just think she is a good little country girl, but this song is definitely one to stick in your head. Well to me at least. It's about how one thing can totally shatter your perception of innocence. You still look at it in aww but it certainly isn't the same. Almost stained. Almost tainted. Ghostly song, great vocals. Perfect theme for the song I wrote above titled "Oxygen". EDIT- I posted the song but it was removed cause Taylor hadn't put it out yet... sooo, here is another fitting nice follow song by Sara Bareilles.

  Sara Bareilles- The Light by Xesxpress

Sooooo I went to see Eat Pray Love and I will tell you how enlightened I was when i saw it, however just as a quickie hehehehe, I will give you a piece of music that was played sorta in the beginning. Now I'm a sucker for some mood music, especially if it has that light cafe style mixed with jazz and latin blend. Maybe some acoustics.This song hits all of those elements. It makes me want to go to a smokey night scene- minus the cigarettes- and just feel sexy LOL not in the gay way or the get some way, but the old fashioned way. It's very soothing. Ugh I could use a Chai right now.

  Josh Rouse- Flight Attendant by Xesxpress

It sucks to be stabbed in the back
Cause I have small arms
But I'm gonna leave it in
To show people you meant harm
No more hiding in the dark
Now that I'm free
I forgot what it felt like
To relax and just breathe

So pick up your face from the bedroom floor
Enjoy the memories, cause there are no more
You're such a pitiful man full of lies
There are so many exes that are really why's?

I blame the happy fat, the comfort zone
The nights you left me all alone
The names you said I took them to heart
And I let you rip me apart
But no more suggestions
No more falling all over you
No more being all over you
Cause I am, all, over you

You kept me running on half battery
So I couldn't escape
But now I have all the energy
To tell you to get the hell out the way
Time to look on the bright side
Cause my skies were looking dim
Time to face my fear of water
Jump ship and learn to swim

So pick up your clothes from the bathroom floor
Enjoy the essence, cause it is no more
You're such a pitiful excuse for a guy
It's about time I said goodbye

I blame you, I blame myself
For thinking I couldn't do it
Well
I changed my views
Something needed to change
Needed to pick myself up off the couch
And move on to a different place
One without you
Cause I am ALL OVER YOU

Every Little Thing Is All Right

A place for everything and everything in it's place. That's the saying, right? Well if it is or isn't or just is int, lol, I look around me and think, yes it is possible that I am right where I'm supposed to be. I'm not saying that there is no room for improvement or change or scenery or pace, but now in the moment feels alright. All right. We take for granted hidden little moments that would look great in a flashback montage. Sometimes we only care about the outcome and the bigger frame of the idea. Why!? look at the details you miss. There are some big decisions yet to be made and there are still questions floating in the air. I need an answer now like I needed it then, is what they say. Well I say to thee: you didn't get "it" then, and you're still here now. Live in the MOMENT people. I'm gonna give you the key, the answer, that one little thing and I promise you, everything will be All Right, alright?
Here are the steps; now in order to do this right it only works once and you have to do step by step as you read this instruction guide. No cheating and reading ahead, if you're not in the right setting then STOP now and read later. You will need pen and paper, and your brain. The last one is a must.
So step one...

I love that song by Taio Cruz... I mean Jay Sean... I mean Jason Derulo... I mean Colby O' Donis.. I mean...

So this posting I would like to address the music industry at large! I keep listening to the radio and here comes a male singer using some kind of synth pop with an R&B ting to the sound. And I'm like oh that's cool, maybe the next wave of Usher's. Not twenty minutes go by and another similar song comes on and I'm like WHAO, this guy has 2 songs on the radio! I mean if Bey and Gaga can pull it off (and with each other as well) then this guy can too. Props. Wait a sec, the next effin song is by him TOO! Someone is pullin my leg and as anyone can tell you, I don't like leg pulling. This dude must be screwin the right execs to have 3 singles out on radio play at the SAME time. Who is he? OH!

SCOTT PILGRIM is kick ass!
Now I'm a dork and love movies like this AUTOMATICALLY! but I was in awe of how AWESOME this movie was. Never a boring minute, funny as hell, and GIRL FIGHTS! I love me some girl fights. All the action, not the cheesy guns needed and bloody gore! But the kind where the geek can fight, actually everyone can. It makes me wish for a world where the words Versus and KO! were normal, in a moments notice a screen passes you and the fight is on! Seven evil exes that you pulverize into coins! So here are the pluses of the movie....
(as if there were ANY minuses!)
First- the cast, I loved that everyone got equal screen time, even the secondary characters. And all but the twins (who couldn't even speak english) got enough show off time. Dry humor, LOL little side bars and notes. A few anime shots here and there, mixed with kick ass graphics, it felt like a vamped up version of street fighter and Mortal combat with Indie fighters. Rock and Roll and heavy bass controlled every sound, and NONE of the music was boring. In fact it played a huge role in the movie, with guitars being used as weapons and amps as blasters, SWEET! Rival bands being exes and fighters, which leads me to this little track. Sung by Metric (awesome band) on the soundtrack, I preferred the movie version of The Clash at Demonhead's Black Sheep. Go Brie Larson (child singer grown up) aka Envy aka Natalie.
  Black Sheep by Xesxpress

We call her Lola, or Carmen, or Morena. Whatever you call her don't call her Jane, or Kristen, or Carol. There is a woman out there in the world and I have found her to have only one curse in life: Amas Veritas. The curse to find the one who will love her forever. Let me describe this girl to you...
She is no stranger to ink, she has long dark hair that can camoflauge itself into anything she chooses. She has lived several different eras and genres of clothing, music, and influences. When she was young and innocent she dabbled with ha ha witchcraft. She admired deep red roses and started swaying her hips accidentally. Never one to shy away from new experiences, she let her hips sway and admired every color, in every shade, that might one day be able to mask her face. Wanting to be popular, and then being popular she soon found out that with stardom came backlash. From an early age she had certain admirers, with achey breaky hearts, and with this admiration she slowly learned to harness her powers. And with every eye that sought her out there was an equal eye that wished her nightmares. Taunts and names and cliques and ticks. Though she may be pretty we need to burn her at the stake! She has ten fingers and long dark hair! It's not fair. Spite her spite her. BITCH
This is the first time the young enchantress learns how words can hurt. As she grows older she adapts to her looks and seeks out people to confine in.Her intent is to never use her powers for evil as she had seen so many of her peers and even friends use. She is almost naive to the fact that she could have more things go her way if she would just "give in". Raised by a mother who couldn't decide how to display love left the girl with a sense of sensitivity. Love, and always love. Words started to become burned and etched into her skin and would carry with her for the rest of her natural life. Words like : Forever, love, heartache, broken heart, true, tears, sex, lust, happiness, sin, and te quiero.
Moving on, the girl went into a depressed state of mind after having one tie torn lover after the next, she was no Jezebel though. She had feelings of doubt and felt she had no one to turn to. She constantly searched for someone's approval, when she was unknowingly already more than enough. From the rock kings, to the rap kings, from the bailar to the insecurities. She couldn't secure an identity. Without much help at home she developed a Mommy Dearest complex, and deeply desired for a breath of fresh air. Off into the woods went Lolita, again having to grow up a different way. Gaining happiness day by day she reshined her armor and headed for the outside again....

You can't be Fat AND Mean...

So, on a personal note, let's talk housing. I love my condo, I love my roommate, I love my roommates dog, I actually love where I live. It's half mine, I am no longer renting rooms. It's a piece of property that I put my name on. Growing up in Stockton, Ca was a real wake up call to life. My whole life I have been grateful to have a roof over my head and a pot to piss in (my moms words not mine). The truth is, I actually never knew anything better. A single mom with 4 mouths to feed, the passing of a child, and no clue what direction her life was going. A brief education with odds and ends career that always secured she could pay rent. "Rent" has become a staple word in my life. Figure this as math 6 elementary schools, one middle school and 2 high schools. Who had time to attach to a childhood? My siblings became my best friends because they were thrown the roles of being the friends that I got to keep. During high school I became a mutt when it came to flashback picture day where all the seniors got to go back to elementary school and take a picture on the monkey bars where they hung as children. Sure I had many to choose from, but none I could call home. The purpose of this entry. Home. I know some people take for granted what the word "home" is. It is not merely the house you live in. It is the foundation of memory. It is where your thoughts run when they need comfort or a place to hide. A "happy place". Despite tragedies or upbringing, "home" is something you can touch and memorize. No one knows your house quite like you do. As for me...

The Rise and Fall

You live my secret now
Time to prepare for battle
Grab your strongest, hide your weakest
Bring white flags in masses
Gain the knowledge:
You might win some, you will lose some
Purple hearts dry out to a light lavendar
How pretty some deaths can be
Sitting on a satin snowy soft hill
Red stained velvet leaking in any direction the earth will tilt
Glistening eyes with short independent films flashing
The secret is; we know what the end is
No matter the causes or effects- we know the results
We wait and grow mad
Stocking up with children and condos
Smiles and tragedies and travesties
Pure calamity
Chaos and fresh moss
Defend what you have now in fear of a wrecking tomorrow
Build your fort with bubbles and insurance
Don't forget the pet raccoons
Internal war, paternal war, terminal war
What is this planet? Who are you people?
We Are Ragers
Perish, thrive, survive, go viral, descend, transcend, ignite
Fail, we win some, maybe
My secret is: no matter what war I wage
My future I cannot change

Hehehe- always wondered where they came from....

OMG! YOU Know Who YOU ARE!

It's the truth LOL

September Man (What I recieved in the final days with a man with a confused heart)

No Sweet Hello
No warm embrace
No tender words
No smile
No loving glance
No gentle touch
No time to stay awhile

No private jokes
No special names
No compliments
No flowers
No needed strokes
No laying close
No sharing love for hours

No birthday wish
No Christmas card
No kiss to say you care
No hope for me
No chance for love
No happiness, no fair

No vows to make
No trust to keep
No more need to say "be true"

No way to last
No good, my love
No us
No me
No you.

LMAO Everytime!

"Losing" Isn't Hard To Master

"Losing" isn't hard to master
If you care or want something bad enough
you can and will lose it
We are never promised the tomorrow's, only the sorrow
It is cold, it is cruel, it is company
Holding your breath doesn't help
Nor does crossing your fingers or wishing
If we love someone enough why is the proof
in letting them go?
Can we pretend to make things better
"Losing" isn't hard to master
It is quick and painless for a moment
But then it is repetitive and heart-wrenching
A little bit of us dies with each goodbye
Warm hearts burnt out for a second
We find other things, other people, to blame
But they don't lose anything
How can they be the source?
The reality is this is the axis making its' move
The reality is we may have to cry alone
"Losing" isn't hard to master
However, within us we are strong
We must not be afraid of loving thyself
Control of destiny, control of "meant to be", Manifest ME
For in these lessons of life, love, and losing
We forget that control of
"Just being happy" isn't hard to master either...

JL

An Amazing Track- totally relating to the poem.

Ingrid Michaelson- So Long

  So Long- Ingrid Michaelson by Xesxpress

The Beginning of Love

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves,

And not to twist them to fit our own image;

Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves 

We find in them

Jar of Hearts

Sooooo, back on the music track- different Music Widget- still great sound. This time around I'm showcasing a (hopefully) upcoming artist. Say good morning to Christina Perri. How did I discover her... Well as anyone who has read knows; I love SYTYCD (look it up!) and the wonderful Stacey Tookey used it in one of her AMAZING contemp pieces. The song got me right away! Jar of Hearts. Story Line, Break Up, Now ex wants back in. He is a collector, he is a ripper of hearts and emotions. It's a song that gets you from the start. With just a slight rasp in her voice, almost as if she's singing it directly to you and not for a CD. Not to be dramatic, but she sounds hurt. It sounds personal. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? The chorus also rings angered, but not spiteful. Almost as if she might reconsider. But nope! Don't come back at all. Then the mid section changes and shows a nice range of vocals, to show that she is a not a talker singer, but a girl with pipes. My fave line in the song is "You lost the love I loved the most." So raw at that point. And then the very end has a climax of vocals and then just a sigh of sadness. There is still something there, but not want or need.
Such a great song! Check it out below and tell me what ya think!

  Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts by Xesxpress

No More Packing

Here, take out my ribbons,
I fall apart
No More Talking
it's time to start...

Cover the knick nacks
Dust all of the throwbacks
Empty the drawers
Return all of the go backs
Burn all the pictures
Reboot computer
Call it what it is
Pick brand new suitors
No more talking
Just pack...

Post it's and labels
And dining room tables
Gifts that you bought me
And those that have cost me
Sleep
Those you can keep
Let's separate boxes
Keeps your on your side
You got the cd's
So the movies are mine
Remember this one?
That you can keep...

All our lives
Come down to possessions
So many lies
Told through confessions

Who gets the bed
And all of its' memories
Who gets the couch
Filled with extremities
You hauled me through the house
Now it's time to move out
The story is storage
Can't hold all we made
Sure it's hard to have to leave
But it's more painful to stay....

Remember the tool shed
We built from scratch
Remember how it burned down
From one little match
Remember you said the house
Would stop us from running
I'm done packing
I bet you didn't see this one coming
No more talking

Poetry: Here We Are

 

 Here We Are

Part of me wants to tell you to go f*ck yourself
The other half says "let's just talk"
I thought about all the things I could say to you
But I saw you and I.. forgot
You did a lot of things that made me think about my life
And how it'd be better without you
But when you say those words with those eyes and that voice
I figure: living alone, I'm not about to

And Here I Am
Somewhere between hating you and falling in love
Along the border of self destruct
Maybe this time we won't mess up

You weren't the best in bed but I had no complaints
Because we fit like puzzle pieces
I disliked that stupid thing you tend to do
But for some reason now I miss it
You acted like a dick when I needed a man
Afterward you pretended you cared
So I drove away and turned off my phone
When I arrived you were already there
and


And Here I Am
Somewhere between hating you and falling in love
Along the border of self destruct
Maybe this time we won't mess up
Here We Are
A Romance Casualty
A torn reality
An Ever After Tragedy

I find myself rolling my eyes
At stupid things you said you don't mean
Looking back at you staring back at me
I guess it was meant to be
Please don't fuck with me it brings me to tears
To know what I loved is now gone
I was happy for at least 26 months
Leave it up to love to prove me wrong

Here We Are
Somewhere between battery and self defense
Hoping some of this makes sense
Love can be intense

Here I am