Oxytocin

Can't wait til I get this out of my system
Can't wait til I'm over these symptoms
I can't wait to see what I feel like, without butterflies
Almost rid of these feelings I caught
Almost ready to give logic a thought
Time to be honest, and then sort through the lies
Who am I, when I'm not chemically unbalanced
What more can I say when I've revealed all of my talents
There's gotta be more to me then what you hear in 3 weeks
Any day now you're gonna see a change in me
Hopefully that person isn't stranger than me
Maybe at that point you can decide if you will leave
This hormonal masque is not mine to control
I'd get it removed if that was possible
Don't figure me out yet, I swear I might be better
I hope you haven't had this same reaction
Hopefully this is all a surreal attraction
Cause I haven't met someone like you, not ever
This is me speaking beyond being weak in the knees
I'm in here I promise, and soon you will see
I've got layers and I want you to see the core
I keep telling myself tomorrow you will be you
And then he can want you cause you're not a fool

You find that you are actually much, much more
And other feelings move in
And the doubt grows thin
And this time you can win
If only you can swim
Avoid the sharks, get past bad trips
Start to rebuild, and have a relationship
One that survived the oxytocin in your mind
And you realize
You are just fine, nothing can go wrong
The facts aren't correct, but you're right where you belong
In his arms, in his shelter, Cause he lost the illusions too
And this time, when you love, you will see it through
Blinds block light, and now the sun shows in the cracks
See, love can disappear like light, but always finds it's way back

Using your heart and not your head to know what is in the stars
Thank you for sticking through the temporary state of me
I love just who you are

The Great Pretender.

(Play the music first)
   Shigeru Umebayashi - George's Waltz(1) by Xesxpress
i'll sit here and remember that in some parallel universe I'm having a good time. i'm the bell of the ball and everyone adores me. i'll sit here and know that it's from the exhaustion, excessive social statuses will do that to you. i'm not alone, i have no worries and i look amazing. this is definitely my color.
     i will wake up in the morning and remember all the eventful things that happened to me. yawn, roll to the floor. smile. something smells good. make my way to the bathroom, shower, shave, shimmer. floss and then for good measure use mouthwash. i look pretty today. i haven't called myself pretty in quite sometime.
     fresh clothes, right out of the dryer. no static or anything. check my phone. of course, 10 missed calls, 6 new texts, and 8 new updates. i forgot how popular i was. in due time i will respond and await their responses. cause that's how responsible i am. then i will slip on my jeans. they fit perfectly now. pull up my socks. my best shoes. they have character. pick out a light jacket and set it next to the door. it's perfect weather right now. but just in case.
     fix my hair. first to the left, then to the right. doesn't matter, either way i am fashion forward and photo op ready. once more i smile in the mirror, not in vain, but in assurance. today i look pretty.
     grab a dab of cologne and head to my desk. keys, house keys, chapstick and i'm pretty much ready.
 fix the bed. i remember i used to share this bed.
 head to my car. it really is a wonderful day full of wonderful things to do. so many people to see in such a short amount of time. 24 hours is not enough.
      they need me though. i make them feel better, i make them smile. i tell them they look beautiful today. be happy, it's a good day, look at this weather we are having!
   get in the car, full tank, favorite song happens to pop up on my ipod. i sing along, the music compels me to.
no passenger. not yet.
there used to be a full time one. but he's gone now. i'm going to have a great day. i start the car and memories flood back.

  I wasn't always alone at night. I didn't always have to keep myself occupied and distracted with other things. I have a great time, but I used to have a better time. I remember when an hour of cuddling was all I needed to sleep peacefully. He didn't even have to hold me past the first ten minutes. His smell alone could make me forget what my favorite smell was. I recall staring at the indentation where he slept and knew he would fill it as soon as he got back from the bathroom. I remember couple showers. I remember what it felt like to think of his name and smile. I remember what love was. And now I know what it feels like to only remember. Not experience anymore. To not be alone, but feel desperately lonely.
He is gone, I hate going to sleep not because I'm in this queen size bed for one, but because waking up without him by my side breaks my heart. There is too much blanket, too much space, too much empty wall.
I am the great pretender because today we are having good weather and that's all my friends need to see.
     All anyone needs to know is that I'm okay and today I am pretty.
And no one has to know that I mask missing you.
And that I pretend you are still here.